MIND READERS DICTIONARY

For reading between the lines with greater comprehension

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Minutia and Highfalutia: Evasion by scrambling to a safer level of analysis

Posted in September 6th, 2007
by Jeremy Sherman in Can I trust them?, Is there a win/win solution?, Is this worth wondering about?, Should I be thinking about the bigger picture?, Should I get over it?, Should I give in?, Should I hold onto my dream or face reality?, Should I say it?

You see a friend lost in the details of what looks to you like a fundamentally bad plan. You want to help your friend. You ask a leading question or two: “Do you sometimes wonder if your plan makes sense?” or “How do you feel it’s going lately, I mean overall?” Your friend generally welcomes […]

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Down & Out, Up & Out, Out & Out: Reading between the lines on “Fine”

Posted in June 13th, 2007
by Jeremy Sherman in How can I communicate this to her?, How should I handle it with my friend?, How should I handle this conflict?, How should I negotiate this?, Should I be thinking about the bigger picture?, Should I fight on?, Should I get over it?, Should I give in?, Should I hold onto my dream or face reality?, Should I say it?, Should I stay?, What should I do about this business problem?, What should we do about this family issue?

“Fine.” A single syllable, so rich in possible meanings–does it mean fine as in “You’re right,” as in “You’re wrong,” as in “I fold,” or some complex blend of the three? Conflict within a relationship often leads to reflection about the relationship. Saying “fine,” we step out of the conflict for a little perspective. Psychologically […]

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Chiasmic Questions: How do you jump-start virtuous cycles?

Posted in March 1st, 2007
by Jeremy Sherman in How should I handle this conflict?, How should I negotiate this?, Is this worth wondering about?, Should I be thinking about the bigger picture?

I love teaching at a small college because it forces me to be a generalist. I teach history, psychology, philosophy, economics, marketing, writing, and literature. As a result I work primarily with the patterns that connect various disciplines. Here’s one that keeps popping up. It’s a chiasmic* question–a question that addresses two alternatives, each an […]

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Infinite Loops: The staying power of circular habits

Posted in May 20th, 2005
by Jeremy Sherman in Can I get resolution on this?, Should I be thinking about the bigger picture?, Should I hold onto my dream or face reality?, What should I do?

“I’ve tried pushing him. I’ve tried accepting him as he is. The only thing I haven’t tried is being consistent.” Remember an old folk tune called “There’s a Hole in the Bucket, Dear Liza”? It’s a dialogue with lots of repeated lines, designed, like “99 Bottles of Beer,” to sound tedious — tedious both to […]

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Upleveling: What to do about your dos and don’ts

Posted in April 13th, 2005
by Jeremy Sherman in How should I handle this conflict?, How should I negotiate this?, Is there a win/win solution?, Should I get over it?, Should I give in?, What's the moral thing to do here?

The Buddha said we suffer because we cling to our desires, and it’s true. I’m always clinging to the past or future, what I wished had happened or what I hope will happen. It’s terrible. So I’ve tried to just live in the here and now, to enjoy every moment and accept what is, without […]

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