For reading between the lines with greater comprehension
“You can’t change other people. All you can do is change your attitude.” People say this sort of thing when they’ve decided to stop trying to change someone. Maybe generalizing like this helps convince them to let go, but of course it’s not true. Influence happens. Influence is as old as ecosystems. We are extensions […]
You see a friend lost in the details of what looks to you like a fundamentally bad plan. You want to help your friend. You ask a leading question or two: “Do you sometimes wonder if your plan makes sense?” or “How do you feel it’s going lately, I mean overall?” Your friend generally welcomes […]
“I can’t tell whether to spit or go blind.” I’ve always liked this phrase (alternatively, “shit or go blind”). It’s slang for confusion in the face of options, and etymologists aren’t sure where it comes from. Its appeal, I suspect, is partly onomatopoetic—it sounds confused. Its appeal may also be the precision with which it […]
“Fine.” A single syllable, so rich in possible meanings–does it mean fine as in “You’re right,” as in “You’re wrong,” as in “I fold,” or some complex blend of the three? Conflict within a relationship often leads to reflection about the relationship. Saying “fine,” we step out of the conflict for a little perspective. Psychologically […]
In the short run I measure my progress by immediate, concrete standards. Did I meet my deadlines? Did she smile at me? Did they say something nice about me? Does my boss think I’m doing a good job? Did I get a good grade? These may or may not be good standards by which to […]
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